Who Taught You That Your Body is Bad?
There was a time when you were unashamed of your body.
But you underwent an “education” that taught you some bodies are okay, while others are not. This learning shaped the way you look at other bodies and how you hope your own body will look.
While your mind might instantly jump to the bias in our culture against fat bodies, marginalized bodies also include Black and other non-white individuals, disabled individuals, and non-gender conforming individuals—as well as those whose identities fall into more than one of these categories.
Because the way you view your body was learned, the process of accepting your body is going to require you to examine what you know to be true.
We can’t have a conversation about body image without talking about where your beliefs about your body have come from.
Body Image Messages
Over time, you’ve received thousands of messages about your body and about other bodies in the world.
Examples include:
Your mother telling you “you’re too fat for that dress”
Family members commenting on your weight loss/gain
Pseudo-compliments like “You’re so _____ for a _____.” e.g. “You’re so pretty…for a black girl.”
Observing which bodies are used for advertisements
Absorbing film & television stereotypes
Witnessing or experiencing bullying and harassment
And the list goes on.
You may have explicit memories about your experiences, such as being directly insulted for the way you look, or you may have to dig deeper to understand why you believe what you do about your body.
For instance, I grew up in a thin, white, able body, yet I was terrified of gaining weight. Why? Because I was taught, and so carried the implicit belief, that fat bodies are bad. As a child, young adult, and now as an adult, I am inundated with messages that if I have a certain amount of body fat, I must make an effort to lose it in order to redeem my sense of worth.
None of this is true.
Neither my worth nor yours nor anyone else’s changes when they gain body fat or change gender or disability status. No whole body or body part is inherently bad. Yet millions of people find themselves feeling unsafe, ashamed, and powerless in their bodies.
Examining Body Image Beliefs
If you’re ready to examine your own implicit bias, I invite you to start by exploring the following questions:
What memories do you have about how other people viewed your body growing up?
What did you absorb from your experiences witnessing the way other bodies were treated?
What did you learn from media sources about which bodies are more “acceptable” than others?
What parts of your body do you lack acceptance for? Are they inherently bad or is it possible you learned to reject them?
In Food Body Self coaching, the work we do to achieve Body Acceptance, Respect, and Neutrality (BARN) starts with answering questions about what you believe about your body and how those beliefs arose.
When you make it safe to be in any body, regardless of its appearance, by recognizing that the power of privilege of certain bodies is a social construct, you make it safe to be in your own body.
But in order to change your thoughts, you must examine what is there to begin with.