How Long Does it Really Take to Change?

A few years ago, I was sitting in on a group session as a student, learning from one of my mindset coaches, Barbara.

The student in the hot seat began to say, “I know that change takes a lot of time…” when she was abruptly cut off.

Coach Barbara interrupted her to say, “Who? Who says that? That’s just a belief you have. If you wanted to, you could decide right here and now to change. It doesn’t have to take years or months. It will happen when you decide things will be different.”

I sat quietly, struck by Barbara’s response.

Because I, of course, held the same belief as the other student—that change takes time. Was I wrong? Could months of work really be boiled down to a moment?

I’ve been pondering this idea for two years now.

The same duality of slow vs. immediate change exists in Buddhism, as it pertains to awakening. There are two paths to awakening: gradual and sudden.

In gradual awakening, the practitioner gains understanding over lengthy periods of time. In sudden awakening, the practitioner can gain enlightenment instantaneously.

The debate between these two approaches has been ongoing for centuries.

The idea interests me both for personal reasons and as a coach. I obviously don’t want to tell my students that they’re in for a years-long journey if we could truly achieve change in a moment.

So here’s how I’ve come to think about the change duality:

These two paths, of gradual and sudden change, are complementary.

We can recognize, instantaneously, old patterns of behavior or faulty lines of thinking that no longer serve us. We can decide, at any time, to change.

However, having one of these “a-ha” moments is usually preceded by immersing yourself in new ideas or practices: participating in a workshop, reading articles or watching videos from someone who has achieved that change you want, receiving coaching and practicing new tools from your coach, and so on. You are pushed to see something new.

Thus, by gradually and deliberately cultivating new thoughts and behaviors, you’re “primed” to come to new realizations.

Similarly, when you experience one of these “sudden awakenings,” even though you may feel like something immediately clicked for you, because of the way our brains work, old patterns will continue to arise automatically, until they are consciously and deliberately changed. You will be faced with obstacles in the form of your old habitual thoughts and actions.

For example, if you recognize that your overeating is connected to uncomfortable emotions that arise for you, those cravings to overeat will still occur until you change the way you relate to your emotions and repeatedly practice taking a path other than eating.

Or if you notice that your self-critic arises when you take photos of yourself, your habits of thought will continue repeating the pattern of self-criticism until you purposefully override them. Because the more you repeatedly think certain thoughts, the more well-rehearsed they become, and the more accessible they are—for better or worse.

The Middle Land Chan Monastery writes of achieving and maintaining enlightenment:

“We cultivate it in stillness and fortify it in action.”

I love this quote both as it pertains to enlightenment and as it pertains to changing your patterns around food, exercise, and your body. Cultivating understanding in stillness is precisely why we begin with and continually practice mindfulness in Food Body Self®.

Our students learn how to recognize patterns of thought and behavior that have kept them stuck, and use those understandings to practice new ways of relating to food, exercise, their bodies, and themselves—they fortify their new learnings via action.

Following this path, which combines both immediate understanding and gradual practice, you could say that change happens both instantaneously and slowly.

Change happens the instant you decide to start. And is solidified over time—for as long as it takes.