Discipline Isn’t the Answer to Overeating

If you believe you just need to use more self-control to stop overeating, I don’t blame you. 

Years ago, when I struggled with my relationship with food, I faulted myself for acting so weak, and searched for information on how I could build my willpower.

It seems to make sense. You walk into the kitchen and your inner dialogue says:

“You know you shouldn’t be here. You know food won’t make you feel any better. You promised you wouldn’t. You’re really going to ruin ANOTHER attempt at losing weight?”

But still, your arm reaches for the door of the cabinet, grabs the package, opens it, and puts the food in your mouth. You could have stopped yourself at any time, you tell yourself…if only you had more willpower.

Right?

Except that there are so many more layers to overeating than simply telling yourself, “no.”

When I was emotional eating, food was my escape route from uncomfortable emotions. I struggled with anxiety, depression, and low self-worth which manifested as perfectionism, workaholism, poor relationships, and more. I experienced a slew of uncomfortable emotions on a near-daily basis, and I sought to smother them all in food.

Additionally, chronically restricting my food each time I attempted to lose weight triggered frequent cravings that only resulted in eating more food.

If you’re wondering where I’m going with this story, here’s my point:

I didn’t stop overeating because I figured out how to “be more disciplined.” 

I stopped overeating because I stopped trying to lose weight and started learning how to untangle the mess in my head. 

I stopped overeating because I started practicing mindfulness, sitting with and processing my emotions, and examining my thoughts (which shifted my mindset).

It’s no coincidence that these are the foundations of the Food Body Self course I co-created with Aiko Smith and Vitalis Im.

Because here’s what happened when I stopped focusing on willpower:

I had to look at parts of myself I had been hiding from for decades. I had to come face to face with my:

• Need for approval that drove my workaholism

• Pessimistic thoughts that drove my depression

• Sense of incapability that drove my anxiety

• Fear of rejection that crippled my confidence 

Sounds scary, right? It was. But I’m not willing to sugarcoat this process because it will not serve you.

I’m also not trying to scare you off altogether. It’s just as honest to say it was all worth it.

Here’s what I discovered about my mind and how it changed my relationship with food—and much more:

When I examined the parts of myself noted above, the unifying feature of my anxiety, perfectionism, workaholism, etc. was that I was fueling them with my own thoughts.

I believed it was a combination of my life circumstances and weak personality that were keeping me from achieving what I wanted in life. However, I know now that my thoughts influence my feelings which influence my actions…which means I can exert a large degree of control over my personality and circumstances.

Because I dug down to the core of what fueled the results in my life—my thoughts—I was able to transform my lived experience in a massive way. Today I now: 

• Have exceptionally low levels of stress and anxiety

• Maintain a high baseline mood

• Enjoy the work I do and know when it’s time to shut down

• Am engaged in a healthy long-term relationship

• Feel confident and proud of who I am and who I’m becoming…

• …without the need to rely on perfectionism, my performance, or my accomplishments

Not only that, I also have a normal, healthy relationship with food, no longer obsess over the way my body looks, and consistently engage in exercise I enjoy. 

Again, NOT because I have more discipline. 

When I learned how to process my emotions, I no longer needed to rely on food as a coping mechanism. When I learned how to transform my mindset I was able to change the way I think about my body, and about how and why I exercise. 

I was able to change my motivation for why I eat, which means I didn’t have to stop myself from raiding the cabinets at night because I stopped feeling the desire to open them in the first place. 

Imagine how much ease you would feel if you could not just win the battles in your head but stop having them in the first place.

I know what you’re thinking…just because I did it, doesn’t mean you can, too.

But these are the exact same transformations my Food Body Self students accomplish. They stop night-eating. They stop buying snacks at the gas station. They stop emotional eating. They make peace with food and feel in control of their diets.

They are living proof that deep change is replicable for you, too.