Unlock Your Inner Strength: The Surprising Path to Better Body Image, Health, and Happiness
What’s your first reaction when you overeat, miss a gym session, or indulge in a harmful behavior?
Do you get angry or berate yourself? Do you feel disappointed in yourself? Do you blame a lack of willpower and self-restraint?
If your answer to any of these questions is yes, you’re not alone.
It’s natural to shower ourselves with disapproval and criticism when we make a mistake; society often teaches us that taking a hard-lined approach to life is “motivating,” after all.
Unfortunately, high levels of self-disparagement are actually more damaging than beneficial—especially when it comes to health-related behaviors.
Adopting an uncompromising approach to eating and exercise habits—specifically the slip-ups and oversights we inevitably encounter—isn’t the answer you’ve been looking for.
This strict approach actually leads to worse long-term outcomes and, ultimately, worse performance levels later down the line.
Fortunately, there’s another simple solution to moving past these failures and adopting a “bigger picture” view of our health and fitness journey:
Understanding and practicing the act of self-compassion.
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion has been commonly defined as [1]:
“The practice of responding to challenges and personal threats by treating oneself with non-judgmental understanding and kindness, acknowledging distress, and realizing that pain and struggle are part of the universal human experience.”
Self-compassion is the ability to relate to feelings of suffering and struggle with warmth and understanding, rather than succumbing to the uncompromising approach we’re accustomed to.
Self-compassion is consuming one too many drinks on a Friday night, but realizing this doesn’t reflect the efforts of your whole journey.
It’s feeling demotivated and disheartened but appreciating these are normal emotions to feel.
It’s struggling to improve nutritional and exercise habits and behaviors but recognizing that you’re not alone in these struggles.
You wouldn’t berate a friend with harsh words and judgments when they make a mistake or encounter a significant obstacle…so why do it to yourself? (Seriously, I encourage you to take a moment to ponder your answer to this question.)
Self-compassion is acting the same way toward yourself when you’re going through a tough time as you would act toward a beloved friend or family member.
Unfortunately, we don’t always realize when we’re being harsh on ourselves. These criticisms can often surface in the form of basing our whole ability level on one tiny mistake, demanding we “should be doing this” or “should be doing that,” or making global self-deprecating comments in light of a specific situation, like:
💬 “I over-ate at dinner last night, so I’ll never be able to master my nutritional habits.”
💬 “I should be going to the gym four times a week, and if I don’t, I’ve failed.”
💬 “I shouldn’t be doing this badly with working towards my health and fitness goals; I’m useless.”
Displaying these self-critical thinking patterns and judgments is often more prevalent in your daily existence than you think.
Self-compassion, however, removes these judgments and moves you toward a place of acceptance that not everything will go according to plan.
You will overeat, you will experience tough emotions, you will miss the odd gym session, and you will fall short of the high standards you set for yourself.
Vulnerability and imperfections are essentially what make us human.
When we take a more balanced perspective of our journey, we avoid falling into the trap of acting upon raw emotion and can take a more mindful, sensible approach to the task at hand.
It’s why those who report having greater levels of self-compassion experience greater overall happiness, higher levels of optimism, a greater sense of wisdom, increased curiosity, learning, and exploration, and more conscientiousness.
Moreover, self-compassion is the difference between experiencing negative emotions and quitting, and accepting negative emotions and displaying perseverance [2].
When we view difficult experiences as commonplace, we’re more likely to keep going.
This persistence is vital when looking to improve health and fitness behaviors.
Instead of condemning poor decisions, uncomfortable emotions, and inevitable mistakes, we can begin to recognize the limits of human behavior and welcome these issues with kindness.
What Self-Compassion Is NOT
A common belief amongst those unwilling to work on improving self-compassion is that they’re “letting themselves off the hook.” That by being too kind to themselves, they’ll backslide or become complacent.
This is a flawed outlook on things: we know it’s impossible to achieve perfection, so why spend time berating ourselves when we succumb to this inevitability?
Self-compassion isn’t about taking the easy path or being content with mediocre standards but about admitting we can only do the best we can with the tools we have and accepting responsibility for our actions.
❤️ When we take a kinder viewpoint around periods of overeating, we learn from the experience and improve next time
💛 When we accept ourselves as imperfect, we’re more likely to keep going to the gym because we’re no longer striving for perfection
💙 When we display self-compassion, we’re seeing our health and fitness goals more clearly without the blockade of chasing unattainable standards
One study, for example, got 100 undergraduate students to think about a recent moral transgression that they regretted and felt guilty about [3].
One sub-group of these participants were then told to write something “kind and understanding” about what happened, another were told to “think about their positive qualities”, and the final group were simply told to write about their favorite hobbies.
The group instructed to be self-compassionate were significantly more motivated to repair any harm caused by the transgression and committed to not repeating the mistake more so than the other two groups.
Ultimately, self-compassion also allows for greater self-clarity because personal failings can be acknowledged with kindness and do not need to be hidden.
Rather than believing that self-criticism facilitates motivation or excellence, we now recognize that being kind aids our progress.
The Benefits Of Self-Compassion On Body Image And Dietary Behaviors
It will come as a surprise to no one that most people who wish to change their bodies and/or health and fitness behaviors adopt a harsh approach toward their efforts.
Every mistake is heightened, every physical flaw is exaggerated, and every slip-up is often blown out of proportion.
These critical judgments, as we now know, are often ineffective.
They distract from reality and inspire emotions that are detrimental to one’s progress. Individuals tend to feel more anger and more guilt when reprimanding themselves for overeating, missing a nutritional target or workout, or not performing well at the gym.
Practicing self-compassion, however, changes things.
Adopting an understanding and sensitivity to suffering and struggle actually encourages positive embodiment, is associated with positive body image, and is protective against behaviors associated with eating disorders [4].
Not only have levels of higher self-compassion been linked to lower weight gain concern and self-punishment motives for restrained eating, but they have also been found to buffer the associations from media-thinness-related pressures to disordered eating and thin-ideal internalization [5].
When individuals cope with setbacks in a more constructive manner, they’re more likely to view these as part of the learning process.
Telling yourself that “you can handle this” or “you’ve been here before” encourages resilience and allows you to manage harsh emotions in a more effective way. Growth and development precede disapproval and the view that the journey is completely ruined.
Not only does this prevent self-sabotage, but it’s been found that self-compassion interventions tailored to weight management outcomes display positive associations with nutritional self-efficacy and improved emotional responses to diet relapses [6].
The ability to treat oneself kindly in times of failure or distress means the occasional dietary slip-up doesn’t affect the bigger picture.
Importantly, research has shown that self-compassion is positively related to body esteem—the act of evaluating one’s appearance and weight in a constructive manner [7].
When we take a mindful, caring approach to our health-related efforts, we’re less likely to engage in unsustainable and potentially harmful tactics to change body shape and/or weight.
There also exists a strong positive relationship between self-compassion and showing greater care and respect for our bodies, largely because there is much less focus on appearance. Not only does this lead to a healthier relationship with the body and food, but it means individuals are less likely to use typical dieting methods as the sole vehicle for changing body shape.
It’s clear that practicing self-compassion allows us to accept perceived failings, encourages flexibility around food and training, and permits us to refocus on our long-term goals and values.
The question is, how can we better cultivate self-compassion?
How To Cultivate More Self-Compassion
Much like any other skill we want to incorporate into our lives, we must practice cultivating self-compassion. It doesn’t come easy to most.
We can’t tell ourselves we’ll be “kinder” or “more understanding” and hope for the best without implementing the right strategies and repeating the desired effect. It’s not that simple.
Here are four simple strategies to cultivate better self-compassion:
1. Engage In Writing-Based Interventions
Instead of simply thinking about showing kindness and accepting imperfections, it’s been found that the act of writing down your thoughts, emotions, and experiences can help enhance self-compassion traits.
One study found that writing self-compassion and body functionality-focused letters improved body image and self-improvement motivation [8].
Women were told to write letters to themselves from the perspective of an unconditionally loving friend who knew them well, saw all their perceived flaws, and still responded with kindness and acceptance.
Additionally, they were told to write a letter to their body, showing gratitude for all its functions.
Both self-compassion-focused and body-functionality-focused writing led to higher body satisfaction and greater positive affect.
Think about writing a letter to yourself from the perspective of your own imaginary friend, focusing on a perceived inadequacy you judge yourself for. Is this part of your body? Is this down to a habit you can’t master? Is this because of something you struggle with at the gym?
What would this friend say about your “flaw” from the perspective of unlimited compassion? How would they convey the deep compassion they feel for you, especially for the pain you feel when you judge yourself so harshly? How would this friend remind you that you are only human and all people have strengths and weaknesses?
Writing can help you gain a more objective perspective on your struggles. When you read what you've written, it's easier to recognize that your self-critical thoughts are not necessarily accurate reflections of reality.
2. Improve Self-Awareness
One of the first steps to changing how you treat yourself is through self-awareness, specifically when you find yourself being self-critical.
Whenever you catch yourself overcome with a negative thought (e.g., “I’m so lazy” or “I overate, so I might as well keep eating”), take note of the words you use. Are there key phrases that keep cropping up? What is the tone of your voice? What does being harsh look like to you?
It’s important to familiarize yourself with this inner self-critic and to become aware of when this perceived authority is infiltrating your mind.
You may notice how these damaging thoughts and statements arise when you eat after dinner, or when you snack mindlessly throughout the day, or even when you step on the scale.
Start reframing these observations in a more positive manner. These “releasing statements” tap into the concept of detached non-judgement.
Instead of, “I suck—I can never say ‘no’ to the cookies,” you might try, “It’s okay to feel frustrated with myself—these didn’t make me feel better, so I need to find an alternative practice to soothe those feelings.”
Make an active effort to soften the self-critical voice but do so with compassion rather than self-judgment.
3. Use A Self-Compassion Break
Dr Kristen Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion, uses a tool called a “Self-Compassion Break” [9].
She instructs individuals to think of a challenging situation that brings up feelings of stress and anxiety, and to fixate on the emotional discomfort occurring in the body.
Now, say to yourself:
“This is a moment of suffering” (or, “This hurts” or, “This is stress”)
Then:
“Suffering is a part of life” (or, “Other people feel this way or, “I’m not alone”)
Then:
“May I be kind to myself” (or, “What do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself?”)
4. Use A Self-Compassion Journal
Journaling—the practice of writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences regularly—can offer numerous benefits for mental, emotional, and even physical well-being.
Note down anything that you recently felt bad or guilty about, anything you judged yourself for, or any difficult experience that caused you pain—whether this was a time you overordered at a restaurant, forgot to align your decisions with your values, or were critical of the way you look.
As you write, try to be accepting and non-judgemental of your experience, not reprimanding it or making it unduly powerful.
For example, “I over-ordered at the restaurant because I hadn’t eaten lunch and was in a rush to get home.”
Write down different ways of viewing the situation that might be more realistic, kinder, or helpful. Be kind and understanding, jotting down words of comfort.
For example, “I messed up, but I understand how stressed I was, which caused me to make poor decisions. I know what needs to be done next time to make different choices.”
Keeping this journal will help organize your thoughts and emotions, while helping to encode them in your memory.
Food Body Self Takes A Self-Compassionate Approach
In our Food Body Self® coaching program, we have made it our mission to help individuals feel at peace with their food, their bodies, and themselves.
And, in order to overcome the familiar problems of uncontrollable emotional eating, blaming a lack of willpower and restraint, and falling for restrictive diets, we encourage students to focus on their inner workings using a self-compassionate approach.
No longer do our coaches and students fall for that hard-lined method to health and fitness behaviors, but instead recognize the importance and beauty of self-compassion, kindness, and acceptance, and how to implement this in their daily lives.
References
1. Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2, 85-191.
2. Leary, M. R., Tate, E. B., Adams, C. E., Batts Allen, A., & Hancock, J. (2007). Self-compassion and reactions to unpleasant self-relevant events: The implications of treating oneself kindly. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(5), 887–904.
3. Breines, J. G. & Chen, S. (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(9), 1133-43.
4. Braun, T.D., Park, C.L., & Gorin A. (2016). Self-compassion, body image, and disordered eating: A review of the literature. Body Image, 17, 117–131.
5. Tylka, T. L., Russell, H. L., & Neal, A. A. (2015). Self-compassion as a Moderator of Thinness-related Pressures’ Associations with Thin-ideal Internalization and Disordered Eating. Eating Behaviors, 17, 23-26.
6. Brenton-Peters, J., Consedine, N.S., Boggiss, A., Wallace-Boyd, K., Roy, R., & Serlachius, A. (2021). Self-compassion in weight management: A systematic review, Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 150(110617).
7. Carbonneau N., Goodman L.C., Roberts L.T., Bégin C., Lussier Y., & Musher-Eizenman D.R. (2020). A look at the intergenerational associations between self-compassion, body esteem, and emotional eating within dyads of mothers and their adult daughters. Body Image, 33, 106–114.
8. Stern, N.G., & Engeln, R. (2018). Self-Compassionate Writing Exercises Increase College Women’s Body Satisfaction. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 1-16.
9. Neff, K (n.d.) Exercise 2: Self-Compassion Break taken from self-compassion.org. https://self-compassion.org/exercise-2-self-compassion-break/