How to Stop Eating When No Foods are Off-Limits

In front of others, I used to brag about being able to eat a whole box of cereal—in one sitting.

But behind closed doors, when it was happening, my stomach felt bloated and painful…and my face burned with shame and self-hatred.

Unsurprisingly, when I began recovering from binge eating, I was afraid to have cereal around.

I thought if I allowed myself access to a box, it wouldn’t last more than a day, maybe two, and I’d be sending myself right back to the starting line.

But as I learned, I needed to remove the restrictions I had placed on myself in order to release myself from my cravings.

Because one of the triggers for binge eating is restriction itself.

When you tell yourself you can’t have something, whether that’s cereal or ice cream or “no carbs after 6pm” or a calorie limit, you increase your odds of overeating.

While some individuals can manage certain levels of restriction, for an emotional eater or binge eater, any form of restriction can be detrimental.

This first step toward healing your relationship with food—allowing yourself to have previously restricted foods and learning that no foods are off limits—can be an exceptionally hard hurdle to overcome.

Difficulty in beginning the process arises because of fears of weight gain and a loss of control. (But if you’re in a cycle of binge eating, haven’t you already lost control?)

In the beginning, you might notice yourself eating larger portions or eating more frequently than you were before. And this is perfectly normal.

The pendulum had swung so far to one side—restriction—that it’s now swinging back to the other side. Your body and mind are responding in a natural way to the restriction.

Then, as you get deeper into the healing process, the pendulum returns to the center. As you start to see your cravings diminish as you confront old food rules (like “no desserts”), you may find yourself wondering how to find—and maintain—balance.

The following is a question I got from a Food Body Self community member:

How do I find balance in the space between allowing myself to have previously restricted foods because no foods are off-limits and not overeating them just because they’re around?

Before we talk about balance, it’s important to acknowledge and reiterate the part of the process I outlined above:

In order to find balance, you must begin by eliminating your food restrictions, mental and physical.

And to tell you the rest, we’ll turn to Food Body Self student Christie, who is currently receiving coaching under myself and our coach-in-training Mel.

When Christie started out with Mel and I several months ago, she removed all the limits and constraints that her previous years of dieting had imposed. In fact, we asked Christie to intentionally eat foods that she had banned each day in order to render them powerless.

And it worked.

Gradually, the foods she used to feel out of control around no longer seem to hold the same appeal.

As Christie would tell you, this process was uncomfortable, both physically and mentally. She was afraid that by giving herself permission to eat these foods, and deliberately inviting them into her house, that she wouldn’t be able to stop eating them. She felt more bloated and sluggish than usual, because the foods tended to be processed salty snacks and sweets.

But this part of the process HAD to happen first in order for her to find balance.

Now we could move on to phase two:

When no foods are off-limits and you’ve eliminated restriction-induced cravings, how do you keep yourself from continuing to eat “fun” foods even after they’ve lost their magic?

For Christie, we’re going to call on a collection of tools in our Food Body Self toolbox to help her find the balance she’s looking for.

One of the ways we’ll do this is by practicing mindful eating.

In teaching mindful eating, I like to include the question, “Why am I eating?” When you check in with yourself and answer this question, you get a sense of whether you’re hungry or not, and if not, what alternative problem you’re trying to solve, such as an emotional one.

If Christie is tending to experience hunger when she reaches for snack foods, we’ll have her practice increasing her portions of fundamental foods—mostly whole, minimally processed foods that provide a foundation for health.

When you ask, “Why am I eating,” you’re also able to check in with yourself and see if your reasons for eating are aligned with what I call your food philosophy: your mental framework for thinking about how you use food so that you can make more intentional choices.

Following the food philosophy Christie creates, she can decide what level of access feels aligned to her to have around her previously forbidden foods, and how frequently she wants to eat them.

This is precisely why the first step of releasing restrictions is so important.

Had we introduced this idea first, it would have only felt like one more controlling food rule for her to follow.

Now, Christie’s decision to leave her preferred “fun” foods out of her diet is one that comes from freedom of choice—she’s not telling herself she can’t have them because they’re not allowed. She’s deciding to eat them less frequently because she is following a key Food Body Self concept: Eat with love. Call it our unofficial motto, if you will.

Throughout this process, we’ll monitor Christie’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors for signs of restriction creeping back in and ensure that she’s maintaining a healthy, peaceful, and beneficial relationship with food:

One in which no foods are off limits, but she chooses mostly fundamental foods—not because eating more fun foods is “bad”, but because she has found motivations for her food choices stemming from deep wells of self-worth, self-love, and self-care.

Whether you’re just beginning your journey toward healing or you’re in the midst of your odyssey, finding the balance you seek is absolutely attainable AND sustainable.

And if you’re not there now, it only means you’re not there yet.