Why I’ll NEVER say, “It’s not my job to motivate you.”
If a coach says, “It’s not my job to motivate you,” they’re either uninformed or a poor coach.
A coach that doesn’t believe in fostering client motivation either doesn't understand where motivation comes from and how to increase it…or they do understand motivation, but can’t be bothered to foster it in their clients—which is just bad coaching.
I’m not talking about coercing an individual to change when they lack the desire. Rather, I’m talking about assisting a client when their motivation naturally ebbs after the honeymoon period wears off, when they encounter challenging obstacles, or when instances of self-sabotage leave them questioning their “why.”
I personally cannot fathom intentionally leaving motivation out of a coaching experience because it’s so foundational to consistency and thus, goal achievement.
Before we go any further, I have to clarify what I mean by motivation.
When I say “fostering motivation,” I don’t mean sending them inspirational messages, reminding them of their goal, or pumping their tires.
What Motivation Is and Isn’t
Motivation is a misunderstood term. In popular usage, motivation is often used to describe the feeling of desire to reach your goals that is so powerful as to overcome obstacles. More simply, the fire under your ass.
Additionally, motivation is often thought of as uncontrollable. You either have it or you don’t. One thing that popular culture gets right is that motivation is fleeting.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t reignite your motivation when it runs low.
I can say this with confidence because there is an entire branch of psychology known as motivation science, dedicated to studying what causes behavior and why it varies in intensity. This includes what increases or decreases our motivation, and interventions (strategies) to improve engagement in goal-driven behaviors—that is, how to increase motivation.
In psychology, motivation is not just the feeling of desire, but the process by which goal-driven activities are initiated, sustained, or terminated.
So, given that motivation is NOT just a phenomenon you either wake up with or don’t, and that you CAN influence yourself to take certain actions that will get you closer to your goals, let’s look at a few ways to do that, and what obstacles tend to get in the way.
Finding Your “Why” Isn’t Simple
To many coaches, the only strategy for reigniting a client’s motivation in their toolbox is helping them to “find their why” and reminding them of that “why” when their motivation flags.
But even uncovering a “why” isn’t often achieved in a thorough or helpful way. If you’re a coach, let’s say that your client wants to exercise more.
Rather than giving them an exercise plan or even coming up with one together, you might first explore what their motivations are to exercise.
Sounds simple, right?
Well, not exactly.
Many coaches who ask their clients, “Why do you want to start an exercise program?” receive answers like “to lose weight” or “to get healthier.” And they stop there.
But if you were to explore further, you might find out that your client is motivated to exercise for any of the following reasons:
To change the shape of their body
Exercise is fun for them
They feel euphoric during and/or after
Exercise relieves their stress and anxiety
They enjoy the challenge
To feel a sense of community or spend time with friends
A trainer is telling them what to do
For health benefits
Exercise puts them in a good mood
They like feeling [stronger, faster, agile, flexible]
To hit a specific target (e.g. a 200-lb. squat, run a marathon)
….and more
Each of the above reasons reflects a different type of motivation. Some may overlap, some may increase or decrease over time, and some will be likelier to sustain motivation over the long run than others.
Rather than accepting the most commonly reported motivations to exercise, such as “to lose weight” and “get healthier,” it’s important to dig deeper in order to understand how your client is responding to bouts of exercise mentally because that will influence whether or not they continue engaging in activities.
For example, you may help them identify the utility value, attainment value, and intrinsic value of exercise to them (more on this values-based strategy later).
To add an additional layer of complication, it’s also important to uncover why they may engage in the behaviors leading them further from their desired goal. In other words, what motivates them to engage in what many label as self-sabotaging behaviors.
For example, I worked with a student who, prior to coming to me, tracked food for years but often overate at dinner. As it turned out, she hated feeling restricted when eating with her family, because family was one of her most cherished core values.
So rather than telling her she “didn’t want it badly enough” because she couldn’t stop overeating in the evening, we developed new strategies together that allowed her to prioritize dinner meals with her family while sticking to her overall plan.
Another student of mine felt out of control around sweets because she consistently ate more than she intended. In this scenario, we uncovered that she was using sweets to self-soothe after particularly stressful work days. This meant that rather than further restricting sweets or trying to get her to perform an alternative behavior, we needed to address the root cause, which was feelings of overwhelm, disappointment, and powerlessness.
Motivation and Mindset
In the same way that sources of motivation will ebb and flow, your client's mindsets—made up of their thoughts, beliefs, and expectations toward their goal—will change how motivated they feel to overcome obstacles.
If your client is skipping workouts they planned to do, perhaps they have a particularly busy schedule, feel embarrassed about going to the gym, or secretly hate the HIIT classes they keep pressuring themself to attend.
They may have negative associations with exercise itself, or what I like to call a “dreadful movement mindset” in which you dread exercise, find it unpleasant, find it difficult to get yourself to do, dislike the challenge, or otherwise don’t enjoy it.
However, even a dreadful movement mindset can be shifted to what I call a “joyful movement mindset,” one in which it’s easy to get yourself to exercise, you look forward to it, find the challenge exciting, and generally find exercise a pleasant and enjoyable experience.
Just like motivation, a mindset can be changed, and when you change your mindset, you can improve your motivation.
Strategies to Increase Motivation
Let’s now categorize strategies to improve your motivation as behavioral and cognitive.
A behavioral approach to motivation will focus primarily on the client’s actions. To increase motivation to exercise, an example of a behavioral approach may be to have the client stop choosing forms of exercise they don’t like and instead to choose forms of movement they do enjoy.
Cognitive approaches focus on the client’s thoughts. Mindsets (see above) fall into the cognitive category. Using a cognitive approach, you may examine your client’s beliefs about themself (e.g. “I’m just not very athletic”), exercise (e.g. “It’s too hard”), or about why they exercise (e.g. “I need my body to be smaller”).
For example, the belief “I’m just not very athletic,” may initially be taken by the individual as a fact. But under examination, they may come to the reframed conclusion, “I haven’t engaged in much formal exercise in the past, but I can see myself becoming faster and more coordinated the more I do.”
An additional strategy that falls into the cognitive category is examining various values, such as utility value (the results you get, e.g. how you are growing or what you are gaining from exercise), attainment value (how exercise influences your identity, e.g. what it says about who you are or what core values of yours it fulfills), or intrinsic value (the inherent pleasure of exercise).
Thirdly, you may use cognitive and behavioral interventions together. For example, say an individual feels uncomfortable going to the gym because they are in a larger body.
They may think, “I’m too fat. I don’t belong here.”
You may assist them in challenging their belief that they don’t belong at the gym, and also help them to set up an exposure plan, gradually engaging in more and more scenarios they feel uncomfortable with.
All of this is why you’ll NEVER hear me say to a client, “It’s not my job to motivate you.”
I will never expect a student to arrive with motivation, or that they’ll be able to sustain and foster it themselves.
And this is why I will never say, “If you keep making excuses, it’s because it’s not a high enough priority for you.”
When coaches say, “You just don’t want it badly enough”...
I call bullshit.
Yes, motivation ebbs and flows, but as a coach, part of your job is to understand what influences human motivation and what you can do to aid your client in uncovering greater motivation when theirs is flagging. At least, if you want to see them achieve consistency and to ultimately be successful in achieving their goals.
Speaking of which, if you’re, ahem, motivated to help your clients with their own motivation, consistency, and mindset, you may be a good fit for my Mindset M.A.S.T.E.R.Y. Mentorship.
Mindset M.A.S.T.E.R.Y. Mentorship is a 6-month multi-format program for current and aspiring fitness and nutrition professionals that combines self-guided course material with 1-1 mentorship and a group mastermind. You’ll learn evidence-based psychology tools so you can confidently support clients in improving their relationships with food, exercise, and their bodies. Click here to see all the topics covered.