The Power of Perspective: How to Stop Your Mindset from Sabotaging Your Health Goals

Cracking the code of consistency when it comes to habit change can seem like one of the greatest mysteries of our adult lives.

You might be banging your head against the wall, asking questions like, “I know I’m smart, so why can’t I get this??”

When you feel determined and motivated at the start of a new plan, and then over the course of days or weeks you struggle to follow through, it can feel exhausting—like all of your mental energy is going toward what you eat or don’t eat, or how to fit in more workouts—meanwhile, you’re still not where you want to be. It’s also easy to get down on yourself when you’re making a concerted effort but not seeing results.

You might find yourself in the pattern of stopping and starting, catching yourself when you “mess up” and promising to start fresh the next day—or the following Monday. But it’s disappointing to keep working and working toward what you want…while feeling like you’re only spinning your wheels.

The problem you might be facing, however, isn’t that your goals are unattainable, or that you lack the discipline to reach them.

Instead, your inconsistency could be fueled by focusing on what you’re losing, rather than what you’re gaining.

What are you missing?

Let me tell you a story:

In my 20s, I drank alcohol much in the same way that other 20-somethings do: with regularity, enthusiasm, and sometimes a bit too much.

All of my friends drank when we went out, and we often went to bars, clubs, and breweries…or we brought drinks to the park, or had mimosas and bloody marys with brunch. There was always an opportunity to drink, and we took advantage of them.

So when I wanted to cut down on drinking, I was afraid that I’d lose my friends because I’d become too different to fit in.

I was scared of being judged and criticized for my choice; I worried they would think I was less fun, and ultimately, I was afraid of the relationships dying out.

However, if I had focused on what I thought I was losing—whether things actually played out the way I predicted or not—I would have never successfully changed.

Here’s what happened:

I kept the things I loved about drinking less top of mind: no more hangovers or memory loss, spending way less money, more energy, better recovery from my workouts (which meant getting stronger faster).

And sure, I felt awkward the first few times I let my friends know I wasn’t drinking that night, but they quickly adjusted and never made me feel bad about it—and we had just as much fun.

Here are a few examples of what some individuals who struggle to change their health habits feel they may miss out on:

1. Food - Feeling Deprived of Enjoyable Foods

When transitioning to a healthier diet, you may feel like you're missing out on the foods you enjoy most, saying things like “I can’t have this,” “I shouldn’t have this,” or, “I need to keep less of this around.”

2. Exercise - Sacrificing Family Time

Incorporating regular exercise into your routine can sometimes feel like it takes away precious time that could be spent with family, friends, or loved ones.

3. Sleep - Cutting into "Me-Time"

Opting for an earlier bedtime to improve sleep can feel like sacrificing "me-time" you use to unwind or pursue personal interests in the evening.

4. Alcohol - Reducing Social Enjoyment

Cutting down on alcohol consumption can influence expectations of enjoyment you get from socializing, as you may associate drinking with having fun.

5. Connection - Feeling Excluded

Refusing to engage in “diet talk,” making critical or self-deprecating comments about your body, or making different food choices than friends can lead to feelings of exclusion or disconnection in social settings.

***

Here’s why these thoughts can become self-sabotaging:

If you train your mind to focus on what you could potentially miss out on when changing your habits, following through on those new behaviors will be exponentially harder—because you’ll be draining away your motivation like a starved vampire on a virgin neck.

When you identify health-promoting behaviors with unpleasant consequences, you’ll develop a negative association with them, which makes choosing those behaviors harder and harder. You’ll have to fight with yourself to move forward, and continually tap into your willpower reserves—which is an unsustainable strategy for change.

Besides, if you focus on what’s missing, you’re blinding yourself from seeing a full half of the picture…

What are you gaining?

No one wants to feel deprived, restricted, or limited.

To prevent yourself from associating your desired health habits as being difficult, unpleasant, restrictive, or not worth it, let’s examine changes you can make to your plan of action and your expectations. This will address your biggest obstacles from both a behavioral and a cognitive perspective.

When considering what you’d like to focus on in order to foster feelings of motivation and commitment to your new habits, you can ask questions like:

How am I growing?
What am I gaining?
Why are these things important to me?
What does engaging in this new habit say about who I am?
What core values of mine does it fulfill?
Who do I want to be? How does my new habit support that?
What feels good when I perform the new behavior?
What else do I enjoy about it?

Here’s what some behavior changes might look like when you challenge your expectations and shift your focus to what you’re gaining:

1. Food

Rather than making a list of foods to cut out, consider what foods you want to eat more of. What healthy foods do you want to add to your meals? Additionally, instead of eliminating your favorite foods, deliberately include them and eat them mindfully. (Worried about this? See my article Disarm Your Trigger Foods.)