I was body-shamed. Here’s how I handled it.

It was one of the rudest things a stranger said to me…

A couple of weeks ago, I posted some photos on Facebook of myself at the gym, flexing the muscles I’ve been working diligently to build.

As you’d expect, friends left a slew of compliments and support. Until a stranger rolled up with the following:

“You still have cellulite.”

(Kind of unbelievable given that I’m in such a “conventionally acceptable” body now, but I guess it goes to show you that you can never escape scrutiny, no matter how much you change your body.)

Now, there are a couple of things you should know. First, his comment was true—I do have cellulite on my butt, hips, and legs. It’s hard to spot in these specific pics, but in a video I posted, it’s there. Second, for a long time, my cellulite was the greatest source of my body shame.

I’ve mentioned in the past that I remember crying in front of the mirror because of the way my body looked. It was primarily because of my cellulite.

So you might expect that a comment like this—on a photo in which I was directly prompting the audience to focus on the musculature of my upper body, yet was met with stark evidence that my cellulite warrants special attention—would have brought me to tears.

But it didn’t.

Because I no longer believe that cellulite is a flaw.

This stranger may believe that it is. He may believe that because it exists on my body, I should be working to get rid of it. But I’m at peace with it.

And here’s the reason I’m sharing this story with you…

I’ve worked with students who see all different features of their body as problematic: cellulite, loose skin, stretch marks, body fat, acne, wrinkles, scars, hair color, skin color, physical disorders/disabilities, etc.

But the truth is, there’s nothing inherently bad about any of these aspects of a person’s appearance.

Skin is just skin. Fat is just fat.

You’re the one who gets to decide if any feature of your body is unacceptable or shameful.

You’re the one who ultimately gets to choose whether you feel self-conscious or self-confident.

Yes, other people’s opinions and reactions can have an influence on us. I’m not trying to say that we all can live in little bubbles unaffected by how others act.

But let’s say that someone gives you a funny look or outright insults you. You will only feel ashamed of your body if YOU believe what is being said.

The comment I received about my cellulite could have gone two different ways:

➡️ I could have broken down and cried and vowed never to post pictures of myself again. I could have decided to start wearing baggier clothes to hide my body and rushed to begin dieting.

➡️ Or, I could have gone on with my life, unaffected. This is the path I chose. My response was: “And?”

Because here’s the deal: other people do not “make you” feel a certain way. If they did, there would only have been one outcome in the situation—he would have “made me” feel ashamed.

But the stranger’s comment was a neutral circumstance. And MY thoughts about it are what ultimately resulted in my response.

So here’s my question to you:

What do you currently believe about your body that generates feelings of shame or self-consciousness?

Go ahead, I’ll give you a minute.

…

Did you come up with at least one belief about your body?

Here’s my point—I’m willing to bet that whatever you came up with was not a fact.

Because a fact would sound like this:

“I have loose skin on my belly.”

“I weigh 190 lbs.”

“There is cellulite on my legs.”

But beliefs sound like this:

“My belly is so gross.”

“I’m too fat to wear certain clothes.”

“My legs are the ugliest part of my body.”

These are not facts. These are judgments. And pretty harsh ones, at that.

Can you also see how the beliefs gave an emotional charge to each of the facts?

Fact: “I have loose skin on my belly.”

Belief: “My belly is so gross.”

Feeling: Shame

Whereas we can’t argue with facts, beliefs can be changed. While you may still have cellulite or body fat or stretch marks or loose skin or anything else—you can change the way you feel about those features without needing your body to be any different.

This is precisely why the Food Body Self® program includes a body image component. If part of the reason you’ve been dieting for years on end is because you’re stuck in cycles of self-criticism and body shaming, then we want to resolve all the root causes—not just one.

We dig into the behavioral, emotional, and cognitive layers of your relationships with food, your body, and yourself so that you can not only understand why you do what you do, but you can change on a fundamental level. That’s how you achieve sustainable, lasting control over food, body confidence, and an unshakeable sense of self-worth.

It’s worth repeating:

You get to choose whether you feel self-conscious or self-confident.

And the way you accomplish that is by choosing what you believe about yourself and your body.

Make no mistake, this is not an instantaneous process. You can’t go from hating your body to loving it from one moment to another. But you can decide that you’re going to practice curiosity about new ways of thinking, kindness, and acceptance.

There is no benefit to believing that any part of your body is gross or problematic.

So given the option, how will you decide to think moving forward?