Healing Your Festering Emotional Sores

“You really have your shit together.”

The first time I heard this, I was flattered that I managed to present such an image, but it felt like a sham. 

But if I heard this line today, I would agree. I do feel like I have my shit together.

I have a consistent meditation practice and often feel calm and contented. I eat a healthy diet and feel in control of my food. I exercise regularly. I love the work I do. I’m in a healthy relationship. I’m responsible with my finances. I read, practice, or learn something every day.

But that’s not where I’ve come from. I used to have long strings of days where I couldn’t get out of bed, struggled to focus on things for ten minutes straight, binged on junk food, and never left the house.

Those were the days when I didn’t even bother dreaming about what the future might hold because the person I knew I needed to be was so far from the one I felt stuck as—the one that felt as capable of accomplishing anything as a piece of decomposing roadkill.

When you’re at the very bottom, life looks and feels terribly hopeless. 

So how do you even start dreaming?

You must begin by taking responsibility for where you are. I’m not saying it’s your fault. There are many facets of our lives that lie outside our control. 

But you are responsible for your own thoughts.

When I learned how deeply my thoughts influence my feelings—and thus my actions—I realized that I was, in part, responsible for digging the hole I was in.

And in order to get out of the pit of despair, you need to first realize that it’s on you. 

That can be a hard truth.

You can’t wait for someone to come and save you, and you can’t wait until your circumstances magically change.

In order to climb out of a place you’re unhappy with, you also can’t endlessly wait for a magic spark to light a firecracker under your ass, hoping that one day you’re going to wake up one day as the person you want to be.

But whether you’ve had it all together and lost it or feel like you never had it at all, change doesn’t work instantaneously, and the path out is not straight up.

Tomorrow you’re going to be a lot like who you are today. Even if you put your adulting pants on, get all the things done and live out your ideal day, you’ll still only have one amazing day under your belt. If a day like that is not replicable, that’s not who you are—yet.

Who you are is made up of the actions you have repeated. The many, not the few.

If you’re not a terribly heroic person today, you sure as hell are not going to be that person tomorrow. Because even if you want to be Batman, no one is handing you a batsuit to go out and fight crime. You need to build it yourself.

You can take this news one of two ways: you can decide that the process isn’t worth it because it’s not going to happen fast enough, or you can face the reality of being a human and start creating your new identity.

Here’s how: since having one amazing day might not be replicable yet, that’s not the goal you should set. The goal is to find ONE promise that you can keep to yourself every day. That’s how you build up momentum and incite change.

You are what you repeat.

You are what you repeat.

You are what you repeat.

Whoever you want to be, create a ritual today that you know you can replicate without fail from now until...don’t pick an end date. When you have mastered that ritual (and only when you have mastered that first ritual), pick a second one that you can replicate without fail.

When I was laying in bed with my festering emotional sores, I had no trust in myself, and very little that I felt capable of. Without exaggeration, my goals included walking ten minutes to the nearest Pokéstop once a day (Pokémon Go for the win) so that I could say I left the house, and taking a shower.

I don’t feel any shame that those were my first wins. Here’s why: 

I don’t blame anyone for their past because I truly believe we are all doing the best we can with the knowledge, tools, and circumstances we have up to that point. 

However, once you’re given the knowledge of how much your thoughts can impact your circumstances, and you’re presented with an opportunity to learn them through mindfulness and mindset coaching, a whole new world opens up to you.

Then it becomes your choice as to whether you want to remain where you are, or grow.